Protecting Your Relationship Without Marriage: Legal & Financial Security for Couples
What You Need to Know About Financial Planning
You don’t have to be married to protect your finances or your partner.
Legal documents like cohabitation agreements, estate planning, and property rights can provide meaningful protection.
Planning while you’re in love and of sound mind is one of the kindest things you can do for your future selves.
Love doesn’t need a marriage certificate to be valid
And yet, the legal system doesn’t always agree.
If you're building a life with someone, sharing a home, finances, or even just the grocery bill, but you're not married, you don't get the automatic legal protections that married couples do. That reality can feel... frustrating. Outdated. Maybe even unfair.
Quick note: I use the word “couples” in this post for simplicity’s sake, but these tips apply to any non-married relationship structure, whether you’re in a thruple, a polycule, or something else entirely, like cohabitating with a platonic bestie. The state already struggles to recognize unmarried partners, and it really doesn’t know what to do when love doesn’t fit neatly into a box. That’s why having clear legal protections in place is even more important.
But as we all know, marriage isn’t for everyone. For some, it’s not financially feasible, and for others, it’s not the right choice ever.
This blog is about giving you the tools to protect your financial well-being and your relationship on your own terms, in ways that the system (should) uphold.
Because when something big happens, illness, disability, or even a messy breakup, you want a plan that protects both of you, that you created and made while you're still in love and clear-headed. Not a plan that was one made for you by default. Alright, disclaimer to come, then we’re off to the cohabitation-protection races!
Legal Disclaimer: I’m not a lawyer and don’t play one on my blog. The information and content provided by Lindsay Bryan-Podvin LMSW, LLC/Mind Money Balance is for entertainment and informational purposes only. It should not be considered legal or financial advice. You should consult with an attorney or other professional to determine what may be best for your individual needs. To the maximum extent permitted by law, Lindsay Bryan-Podvin LMSW, LLC/Mind Money Balance disclaims any and all liability in the event any information, opinions, advice and/or recommendations prove to be inaccurate, incomplete or unreliable, or result in any investment or other losses.
Cohabitation Agreements
Cohabitation agreements are kind of like a “pre-nup” for couples who aren’t planning to get married. No, these aren’t agreements about whose turn it is to clean up after dinner or take out the trash, they are legal documents that can outline general protections for one another and protecting the partnership you’ve built. Paperwork isn’t exactly the most romantic thing to do on a weekend. But neither is scrambling to prove your relationship to a hospital admin or landlord when things go sideways.
A cohabitation agreement document can outline:
Who owns what
How you’ll divide things if you separate
How bills or big purchases are split
Any other financial understandings you want legally recorded
In some states or cities, domestic partnership agreements may offer even more legal protection.
Depending on where you live, domestic partnership agreements can include:
Health or employment benefits
Parental rights in emergencies
Access to partner-only retirement or insurance benefits
Do I need estate planning?
Estate planning gets a bad rap and is often misunderstood. Many people assume they’re only for the uber-wealthy, but if you’re an unmarried couple, an estate plan is actually essential.
Without legal documents like a will, healthcare proxy, or financial power of attorney, your partner could be left out entirely if something happens to you. Even if you’ve been together for years, the law doesn’t automatically recognize your relationship.
And terms like “will” and “trust” often get used interchangeably, but they serve different purposes. A will outlines who gets what after you pass, while a trust helps your assets skip probate and get to your people faster, with fewer headaches. Depending on your situation, having both can offer more clarity and protection.
Here are some estate planning documents you’ll want to consider:
A will to decide who gets what (including ensuring your partner inherits what you intend).
A durable power of attorney for finances, so your partner can pay bills or manage money if you're incapacitated.
A healthcare proxy, so they can make medical decisions on your behalf if needed.
Retirement accounts: Double-check those beneficiary designations; without them, your partner might not be entitled to anything.
(Optional) A trust, to help simplify asset distribution (think: things like the money in your savings account or retirement plan as above) and avoid probate.
These documents provide legal protection to ensure your wishes are respected and that decisions about healthcare and finances aren’t left to someone that the state decides.
Property Rights for Unmarried Couples
If you are planning on buying a home with your partner, make sure that in addition to agreeing on your housing needs and wants that you’re aligned on what’s on the title.
There are a few ways to hold property as an unmarried couple:
Joint Tenants with Rights of Survivorship: If one of you passes away, the other automatically inherits the property.
Tenants in Common: You each own a percentage, and your share goes to whoever you name in your will (again, this reinforces why a will is important)
There’s no one right answer; it depends on your goals and your situation. But whatever you choose, it should be intentional.
When my partner and I bought a house together before we were married, we knew we wanted to protect each other in case something happened. So we chose Joint Tenants with Rights of Survivorship, and we also had a will and trust drawn up at the same time.
As a therapist and social worker, I knew how important it was to have these somewhat awkward conversations. Still, sitting down to talk about worst-case scenarios while also picking out paint colors was definitely a weird combo. But doing that legal work opened up conversations about how we want to care for each other in the long run.
One helpful "hack": I was traditionally employed at the time and had access to legal benefits through work for just a few dollars a month. That small cost gave us thousands of dollars’ worth of legal coverage. We were able to get a will, trust, and an attorney to review our “Joint Tenants with Rights of Survivorship” document, too.
Insurances To Consider
If one of you passed away or became disabled, what would happen financially to the other person? This is where insurance comes in.
A couple of key types to explore:
Life insurance: Name your partner as the beneficiary, especially if they rely on your income or would be impacted financially by your passing.
Disability insurance: If either of you would struggle without the other’s paycheck, disability coverage is just as important, if not more. Statistically, it’s far more likely for younger adults to experience a disability than an early death.
If you’re traditionally employed, check if your workplace offers life and/or disability insurance. Employers can often provide better rates and more generous coverage through group plans. Of course, you can apply for life and/or disability insurance if you’re not traditionally employed, but they’ll likely be more expensive.
Financially Prioritizing Each Other By Taking Action
You don’t need to be married to build a life together. And you definitely don’t need to be married to take care of each other financially.
Cohabitation agreements, estate plans, clearly defined property ownership, and insurance may not be the most romantic parts of your relationship, but they are some of the most loving. This is relationship respect and care, by making decisions now that protect both of you later.
If this resonated with you, or if you found yourself nodding along thinking, “I really should do this,” consider this your nudge to start.
Pick one of the things we talked about, maybe it’s calling an estate attorney, or checking your life insurance beneficiaries, and put it on your calendar this week.
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